Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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