found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
