i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
