The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
