I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
