he puts the penis in happiness.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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