she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
