I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
