This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
