I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
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