John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
