haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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