This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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