P.S. I can't hear my feet
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
