Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
