...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
