Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
