Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
