Need sex. Gaining weight.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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