Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
