How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
