i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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