why didn't you poke me back
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
