Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
