I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
