oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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