it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
