Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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