Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
