All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
