I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
