did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
