I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
