When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
