He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
