is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
