I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
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But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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