Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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