so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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