I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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