he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
