Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
