I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
But break dance skills will only take you so far
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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