There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
