508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
