If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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