I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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