I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
