WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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