Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
