Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Are my feet made of real feet?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
