watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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