I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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