i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
