jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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