Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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