Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
