i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
