Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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