If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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