oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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