Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's never too late to be topless.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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