Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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