pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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