i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
