saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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