I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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