i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
